How to Get Over A Breakup

Can a simple act of self-care really help you recover from a breakup? We promise you'll discover the answer in our latest episode as we navigate the emotional turbulence that follows the end of a relationship. Explore the transformative power of self-love, focusing on nurturing activities like listening to your favorite tunes or indulging in a warm bubble bath. We emphasize the crucial role of a supportive network of friends and family, and discuss how to steer clear of emotional triggers. Plus, we share practical tips on rediscovering your passions and interests at your own pace, free from societal pressure.

Ever wondered why cheating is often brushed off as a forgivable mistake in so many soulful old slow jams? We tackle this question head-on, challenging the cultural norms that shape our perceptions of infidelity. Through critical analysis, we examine how these timeless tunes might propagate problematic messages about cheating, especially among men. Our goal is to inspire you to question these cultural cues and break free. Make sure to like, review, and follow for more empowering episodes!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Guide to Healing After Breakup

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi everyone, this episode is all about your guide on getting over a breakup. Breakups can be so difficult After all, it's a relationship that is ending and it can be more difficult when you don't have anyone to talk to when you're going through it. You might not have an older sister or an older cousin's sister or a family member you can share what you're going through it. You might not have an older sister or an older cousin sister or a family member you can share what you're going through. Or, in other cases, you might have these individuals around you but might not want to share due to fear of judgment or any other reason. So let's dive right into it. Bestie, I think the number one thing is you got to start to learn to love your own company. The way you can start to learn to love your own company is you can engage in self-care when you're alone. This being alone is then linked to a positive feeling of relaxation and care.

Speaker 1: 0:59

I remember going through a challenging time. My friend told me at this time to light a candle, put on some music and paint my nails, and I did that and it felt so amazing. I felt so peaceful. My soul felt at peace, which reminds me, we cannot grow through the ending of a relationship alone. We cannot grow through the ending of a relationship alone. We need to have support. This support can come from friends and family members.

Speaker 1: 1:29

Remember, hurt happens in relationships and healing also happens in relationships. But these relationships have to be caring and supportive and sometimes they just have to make sense. For example, you might not want to lean on your friend who is always with her boyfriend or her husband and they're happily married and you know, just showing off their relationship because you're newly single and that's okay. It's okay to do what's best for you while you're hurting and to avoid triggers that aggravate the pain. However, since the pain has come from a close relationship, your first reaction might be to avoid relationships altogether. I say do the opposite. Start using the phrase I'm going to do the opposite as a reoccurring statement. You tell yourself Tell yourself I'm going to do the opposite and repeat it to yourself.

Speaker 1: 2:24

So when you feel like disconnecting, push yourself to reconnect with those who you can reconnect, with those who are supportive and are willing to support, care and love you, even if that doesn't come in the form of a romantic relationship, even if that comes through sisterhood or your family or your friends, because when we go through the end of the relationship, that leaves a hole in our heart, and we need to fill that hole in our heart with love from those who do love us. This is a reminder that the focus should be on you now. After all, you're hurting, and when you're hurting, why would you focus on somebody else if you were wounded? Would you look at somebody else and observe somebody else having a great time, or would you tend to your own wound? Then why aren't you doing the same for yourself? It's the same for your emotional, psychological pain. Exactly Tend to your wound, acknowledge the pain and care for yourself.

Speaker 1: 3:34

This is not the time to watch what your ex is doing on Snapchat or Instagram. This is the time to start journaling. Instead of thinking about your ex, it's the time to start thinking about yourself and what your wants and needs are. It's time to rediscover who you are, apart from who you were when you were in a relationship with your ex. Who are you apart from your ex? What hobbies do you have? What do you like doing? What restaurant do you like going to? Focus on the simple things and rediscovering yourself. Don't focus on the big picture, the what are you going to do in 10 years and 20 years? That's going to be overwhelming. So just focus on the small stuff. Focus on the now, what you like doing now.

Speaker 1: 4:21

Also, learn to let go of the social conditioning that says you have to abide by a timeline, that you have to be married or to have kids by a certain age, because we are ever flowing and ever evolving souls and souls don't have a timeline. Let that weight go. Timelines don't serve you, they don't serve me, they don't serve anybody. Society has given us timelines. Society has constructed this idea of timelines, this idea of timelines. Society has constructed these ideas of what it means to be a thriving woman or a thriving man, what thriving success looks like, what failure looks like. These are all created by society. These messages can bring us discomfort when we see ourselves deviating from such standards created by society. We need to unlearn such messages through educating ourselves or unlearning these messages that society has given us Recognizing that women don't need to be self-sacrificing.

Speaker 1: 5:27

Recognizing that men don't need to always be strong and brave and it's okay for them to feel emotions. Recognizing that success, success can look different and that men and women can find love long after their 20s, 30s and even in their 50s, recognizing that love is more than just romantic love. Love can be found through loving nature, loving spirituality, loving one's family members, loving one's cousins. It goes beyond this realm of romantic love. Recognize these standards and timelines are just made centuries ago to keep women subordinate to men and, in the process, has hurt men too. So, yes, you might get comments about marriage from rude individuals, but if you're strong in your own shedding of the societal messages that are not rooted in the truth, then you will be able to maneuver any situation because you will know your own truth. See, comments by individuals in society are less likely to get under your skin if you know your own truth, if you know the reality of society, if you have unlearned what messages society has given you.

Speaker 1: 6:46

Movement also helps us heal when there is a relationship breakdown. There's also lots of leftover emotions. These emotions may range from sadness to despair, to grief, to anger. You may have leftover stored emotions and emotional energy trapped in your body. This is where it's important to release those emotions and maybe even that trapped anger, through activities such as martial arts, poetry, writing and etc. It is also important to tend to your mind when it's already suffering. To keep a healthy state of mind, it's important to stop yourself from ruminating and thinking of everything that went wrong in the relationship over and over again. Sure, there is a time for that, but that's not what you want to spend your entire day doing. Doing so is not very healthy and will place incredible pressure on your mind when your mind is already suffering. Why would you want to place more pressure on your mind when your mind, your body, your soul is suffering? Lastly, analyze if your self-guilt is truly warranted.

Speaker 1: 7:55

I've said this before and I'll say it again Understand that the negative behaviors of your partner, if they were toxic or abusive, had nothing to do with you. They had nothing to do with you. Maybe their charm made you believe they were different from their real reality, their real personality. Maybe they were playing a different role to reel you in, to only turn into a completely different person once they were in a relationship with you. Maybe they showed you kindness, commitment, gentleness and communication for a little while before revealing their true personality. So no, don't see yourself as defected as in being attracted to abuse. More than likely, you were duped or tricked into seeing their false personality.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Too often there's a large focus in mainstream media that tries to push the point that the one staying in a toxic relationship is the one who has some level of trauma that allows the individual to stay with a toxic person. However, the charm, the manipulation, the life history of the cheater is often ignored. You see, it's not all about you. It's about their life history, their trauma and their behaviors. So, for example, I was watching a TV show some time ago where this individual was cheating on his girlfriend with several other women and he revealed that he never had a male role model who was loyal to the woman in their life around the time when they were growing up. So for him this was a learned behavior. He had learned that cheating and lying was perfectly normal, and so he thought he had the right to follow Sue and to follow the behaviors of other men that came before him and get this in the show. After he had cheated on the woman multiple times and disclosed that he did, he had the audacity to freak out when his partner revealed she had been talking to an old male friend after taking his cheating ways with multiple partners for years.

Speaker 1: 10:14

Men also get the message from society, from music, that teach them that all cheating behavior should be forgiven. Listen to some slow jams and you will find that the individual is singing so beautifully with the beautiful vocals, but they're singing about wanting to be taken back or wanting to come back home after making a mistake, and the vocals are amazing. The singing is amazing. You know, it's beautiful music, but then again, the person is apologizing for cheating behavior and disrespectful behavior. So it's interesting that men learn from this music and those who they observed throughout their youth and throughout growing up in terms of what behavior should be tolerated and it should not be tolerated this disrespectful and cheating behavior. So it's interesting. So, anyways, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please like, please follow and please comment.