How to Stop Caring About What Others Think

What if living up to everyone's expectations is the very thing holding you back? This episode tackles the liberating journey of shedding societal norms, particularly those rigidly imposed on women, to unlock a more authentic life. We scrutinize the conditioning that starts in childhood, compelling us to seek validation from authority figures. By reclaiming labels like "troublemaker" or "rebel" as badges of empowerment, we challenge the narrative that conformity is necessary for acceptance. Discover the pivotal role of supportive relationships and the courage it takes to detach from those who drain your authenticity.

We dive deep into the essence of defining your own values as a rebellion against societal expectations. Learn how living according to external standards can stifle your true self and the steps you can take to establish and maintain personal values that reflect who you genuinely are. This episode isn't just about resisting norms; it's about embracing the universal struggle of going against the grain as a vital part of personal growth. Join us to explore how being your true self and finding a community of like-minded individuals can help you navigate societal pressures and lead a life that truly resonates with you.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Letting Go of People's Expectations
• 12:43 Defining Your Own Values

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

We're going to be talking about how you can let go of what people think to live your most authentic life possible. That is true to you, and I want to start off this podcast episode by kind of letting you understand that this is what a lot of people struggle with, and the reason a lot of people struggle with this is that society already has a bunch of expectations, norms and rules for how you should act like, how you should behave, the goals you should aspire to. Society even gives you a timeline of when you should marry, get married, have children, etc. Etc. Right, so society has all of these rules. So if you're doing something that doesn't align with those rules or behaviors or norms, you're automatically going to be called a troublemaker. So that is how society is set up. So if you do anything differently, you're automatically, from the get-go, going against the grain.

Speaker 1: 1:06

Now let's talk about when we're younger and we're going to school. When we're going to school, we're practically trained to jump through hoops to impress adults in our life our teachers, our parents. When we get an award, we feel so happy because we're getting an award from this adult. We are seen as real value. Chances are, we're not in love or passionate about that math homework. We just do it to impress the adults in our life. Let's just be honest In some cases we don't even realize that this is going to make a difference in terms of the college prospects that we're going to have later on in life. But we do it because you know the feedback that we're getting from the adults in our life. So from the get-go we're taught to put value in what other people say, the value in the feedback we're getting from other people. So let's go back to the values that society and expectation that society sets for us. Girls are taught by society to be sweet, gentle and humble, to please individuals, those feminine qualities they're expected to have. So when they go against those qualities and are more assertive or more outspoken, they can be seen as a bit of a rebel, even though that's not the case for men. So right from the get-go you have certain expectations and if you go against the grain, you're going to be called bossy, you're going to be called outspoken, you're not going to be liked because you're going against what society has packaged for you as a human being. So if you want to let go of what people think, you have to be willing to take on society's labels of being a troublemaker or a rebel for fighting against what society says how you should be. So you need to be ready to own that troublemaker label proudly. You need to own being the troublemaker or being the bossy one or being the bossy one. You know, if you take it and take it as a sign of empowerment for yourself, it can totally change the way you write your story.

Speaker 1: 3:35

So back to where women are. In our culture are expected to be self-sacrificing, sweet and humble and not assertive. So it's important to be self-sacrificing, sweet and humble and not assertive. So it's important to be okay with the label because you're going to get that label if you go against the grain. And it's important to be okay with that label because where are these rules and expectations coming from? They're coming from traditions. They're coming from what other people say Centuries ago, what men had to say women should be like Centuries ago, these advertisements that were made for how women should behave and centuries ago, ideas of the goals that women should have. They have no scientific basis of the goals that women should have. They have no scientific basis. So in rebel might not always be the label that you get. You might get the label of being a luraki if you're in the South Asian culture. In the workplace, you might be told to humble yourself if you speak too much about your accomplishments, whereas if a man spoke about it in that way, he wouldn't be told to humble himself. So the point that I'm trying to make here is that society will have expectations, values, rules that the society would want you to fit in, but but your truest, authentic self might not fit into any of that and you have to be okay with it. And one way to be okay with it is own the troublemaker rebel label and use it as a way to empower yourself. And chances are, if you speak about it, there may be other women who have been labeled that way too, so you can join into a community of rebels.

Speaker 1: 5:34

The second way to be okay and not care about what other people think is understand you can't please everybody and everybody can't be your people. You're going to run into people who are going to hate. They're going to hate if you do good. They're going to hate. If you do bad, they're going to hate. If you make an achievement, they're going to hate if you fail. No matter what you do or say, there's going to be a critique. There's going to be a criticism and you're going to have to realize and see that behavior for what it is. This is where you got to understand how important it is to keep people around you who are healthy. For you to be around Forgetting about what other people think means you must remove yourself from abusive people, whether they're emotionally abusive or physically abusive.

Speaker 1: 6:31

Abusive people, whether they're emotionally abusive or physically abusive. If you're in a situation where you can't remove yourself from those situations, you must limit contact with that individual. Understand that people who are going to judge are always going to hate. No matter what you do. Some people are going to find a way to hate You're going to do something well. Like I said before, they're going to hate. You're not doing something well, there's going to be judgment there. You just can't win. You need to realize these people are not your people.

Speaker 1: 7:01

You're going to have to let go of your wish for who these people could have been in your life, who these people could have been in your life. You most likely had an expectation that in your life that there would have been these people who would have been supportive, whether they were supportive members in your extended family or supportive friends or supportive I don't know members of the public, but you're going to have to let that go. Somewhere underneath your insecurities is your wish to feel accepted or liked by these individuals. But the truth is not everyone is going to like us and it might have nothing to do with us and who we are as a person. It might have everything to do with them, who they are, what they're struggling with, their insecurity, their shame and, at the end of the day, it has nothing to do with you. It has something to do with them.

Speaker 1: 7:57

But what has to do with you is your expectation that you place on these individuals that they would be loving, that they would be kind, that they would be supportive, that they would be on your team. So you have to kind of accept the fact that they are not on your team and they might never be on your team. So, like I said in my last podcast, you have to let go of what should be, what could be, what can be, and realize that it would not be, it might never be, because of not of who you are, but because of their past, their insecurities, etc. So the work starts at loving yourself enough to let go of your expectation for these people to be a dear friend or a loving family member, and that's what I spoke about in my first episode. You have to learn to see people for who they are and not who you wish they could be. Who they should be, what, who they can be.

Speaker 1: 8:59

At one point or another you're going to have to let go of how you wish your life would have looked like and face the reality of who people really are in your life. You know it would be great if everyone was on your team, but the truth of the reality of who people really are in your life. You know it would be great if everyone was on your team, but the truth of the reality is that people are struggling. This world is full of suffering. So people are struggling with their insecurities and they're reflecting and projecting that onto each other and that turns into what we call haters for you. But despite the reasons for their hate, their insecurities, their shame, you need to realize that you are not their therapist. You're not going to fix them. They might never come face to face with the problems that they are dealing with. So you need to face the reality of the situation in that moment as it is.

Speaker 1: 9:47

The third thing you can do is do the math. Ask yourself has the person been supportive in the past? And if they've been supportive, if they've been encouraging they might be saying something you might not want to hear, but it might have an element of truth to it. Ask yourself if the person hasn't been supportive in the past and may have been emotionally abusive, Then you know what they're saying is coming from the same negative energy as it has always come from. So ask yourself who is this person that is giving you the response? What is your level of expertise in what you're trying to do? Now, if a person has no expertise in what you're trying to do and they're trying to give you feedback, you know they have no expertise in that area. So you shouldn't take what they're saying so seriously and too hard, because if they have no expertise, they have no experience in that. So how would they possibly know? So a lot of people will jump to critique something when they have no expertise in it. So you got to be able to pick that up and say you know what. This person has no experience in what I'm trying to do, so maybe what they're saying is not relevant. Have they been supportive in the past? Has the person always been on your team? Is the person struggling with their own shame, their own discouragement? If they are, maybe they can't see you clearly. Maybe they can't see your goals clearly because their own discouragement, their own shame, is clouding their vision.

Speaker 1: 11:18

The third way to forget about what other people think is to live life on your own values, on your own terms. Not the values that society has given to you, not the terms that society says you should live on, but your own values. So that requires for you to write down your own values that are important to you, and those might be changing right. At one point in your life you might value your career. Another point in your life, you might value having children. So those may always be changing, but you're trying to do things that are in alignment with your own values. So you're no longer holding yourself to society's expectations, but you're holding yourself to your own expectations.

Speaker 1: 12:05

So instead of asking yourself what will so-and-so think, you start asking yourself am I doing something that is in alignment with my own values? So you start measuring yourself against your own values rather than what other people think that you should say or do, and the more you do it, the easier it gets right. Rather than saying, oh, what will my auntie think? You start thinking, oh, is this in alignment with my value? And your values are going to start to mean more than what other people think or your expectation of what other people will think.

Speaker 1: 12:43

So it's really important to define your own values so you don't get caught up into what society says you should be like or how you should be, how you should act, how you should react. That is really important. Define your own values so you're not living your life in accordance to what society says you should be living like, because if you're going to start living your life based on what society says, you're not living your most authentic life, and so it's really important to define your own values and to realize how society was set up. Society was set up so you would have to go against the grain, so everyone would struggle with this at one point or another in their life. All right, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Stay tuned for my next episode. All right, bye.