Brown Girl Empowered
Welcome to Brown Girl Empowered the self-help podcast that blends insightful guidance with real-life stories, hosted by Manpreet Dhaliwal, a Brown South Asian psychotherapist with a passion for helping you thrive. In each episode, Manpreet dives deep into powerful topics like mental health, breakups, self-love, confidence, leadership, and more, offering practical tools and heartfelt advice to empower you on your personal growth journey.
Whether she’s sharing her expertise solo or featuring inspiring guests, Manpreet’s mission is to help you break free from limiting beliefs and step into your true power. With her warm, relatable style and years of experience as a therapist and educator, Manpreet is here to guide you towards a life of authenticity, resilience, and self-compassion.
Tune in, transform your mindset, and unlock the best version of yourself with Brown Girl Empowered.
About Manpreet Dhaliwal:
Manpreet is a brown woman who holds a Master’s in Social Work and a Bachelor of Arts. With years of experience, she’s dedicated to making mental health resources accessible and relatable for all.
Manpreet Dhaliwal has worked as a therapist for many years and has served as a college instructor in British Columbia.
Instagram: ManpreetDhaliwal.88
Email: dhaliwalcounselling@gmail.com
Psychotherapy Services: www.dhaliwalcounselling.com
Book a consult:
Brown Girl Empowered
How to Embrace Imperfections and Heal
Struggling under the weight of impossible standards? Imagine a world where embracing your imperfections not only heals you but connects you more deeply with others. In our latest episode, we unravel how the relentless pursuit of perfection alienates us from our own humanity and stifles our empathy. We dive into the lives of iconic figures like Tupac and Eminem, peeling back the layers to reveal how empathy and self-understanding can lead to profound personal healing.
We challenge the notion that self-esteem alone is key to personal growth, making a compelling case for the transformative power of self-compassion. We dissect Western culture’s obsession with flawlessness and its detrimental impact on mental health, advocating for a kinder, more humane approach. By fostering self-compassion and acknowledging our shared human experience, we can break free from the destructive cycles of shame and self-judgment. Tune in to learn how embracing compassion and forgiveness not only soothes the soul but also nurtures genuine personal development.
Instagram: @manpreetdhaliwal.88
Emails, questions:
Dhaliwalcounselling@gmail.com
Services: www.dhaliwalcounselling.com
Psychology Today Profile:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/manpreet-dhaliwal-surrey-bc/332001
Today we're going to be talking about self-compassion. In today's society, we're actually doing the opposite. We are being driven by this idea of trying to be superhuman when we're not. We're flawed human individuals dealing with our own traumas and our own sufferings in a society where there is a lot of suffering. But unfortunately, society, western culture tells us to be perfect, tells us to be superhuman, which is not possible. And what does does that do? That leads to a disconnect between ourselves and other human beings. That leads to a lack of empathy for the human suffering that is occurring as a collective.
Speaker 1:So now I wanted to talk about this conversation I was having with my brother. I never thought of this, but my brother talked about how Tupac and Eminem began their career by having a lot of anger in their music towards people who they believe did them wrong. However, later on in their careers, they created songs where they have empathy for these same individuals that they feel did them wrong, and through having empathy for these same individuals, they are able to find their personal healing. In their later part of the songs, began to see these individuals as humans who are dealing with their own suffering, with their own issues, and seeing these people as imperfect individuals rather than individuals that should be superhuman. So, through seeing these individuals as imperfect humans with flaws, who are dealing with their own suffering, they are able to find healing and compassion for themselves. Now, that is our goal in this Western culture, which tells us that we need to be superhuman, we need to be perfect, we need and that leads to the self-critical voice that gets extremely loud in our heads. We need to do the opposite. We need to see ourselves as human beings dealing with our issues and our flaws, human beings that are neither good nor bad, neither perfect nor imperfect. We need to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we would show to a good friend or a stranger right? Instead, we do the opposite, which is we are so critical on ourselves, we make a mistake and we go home and we beat ourselves up over that mistake or that error that was made, rather than seeing ourselves. As you know, maybe we were suffering that day due to some. Who knows what suffering we were dealing with, but that's the thing, and that gets in the way. When we don't acknowledge ourselves as suffering, we treat ourselves with this critical voice, right, this judgment, and with that judgment we become disconnected from others. This Buddhist thought states we need to care about ourselves before we can care for others. Care about ourselves before we can care for others.
Speaker 1:Continuously judging ourselves and criticizing ourselves, we create this line that separates us from others, because when we are judging ourselves, when we are criticizing ourselves, we are expecting ourselves to be superhuman, when we're not. And when we expect ourselves to be superhuman, we also expect others to be superhuman, and that takes away compassion and empathy for others and that takes us away from the collective experience of being human. This leads to isolation. Now, if we don't have self-compassion for ourselves, we can be really hard on ourselves, and I've been there. That's why I don't judge on this podcast, because I've struggled with self compassion as well. So if we don't have self compassion, we can be hard on ourselves, and then we get changed. When we're beating ourselves up over something, over a minor mistake, we get a lot of shame. We may not own up to our own suffering because of the immense self-hate and self-shame that comes from self-criticizing. So, essentially, a lack of self-compassion can blind us to certain things, so we will continue to go on make mistakes and that will stunt our growth and development. So, unfortunately, seeing ourselves as superhuman actually leads to greater mistakes and actually stops our growth as human beings our growth as human beings.
Speaker 1:Self-compassion is better than self-esteem because it focuses on our experiences as human beings, without the need to feel perfect or see ourselves as better than others, because, in essence, we're living in a society where there is a lot of suffering. Living in a society where there is a lot of suffering. The truth of the matter is we are human beings. We are not super humans. We are flawed because we have dealt with suffering and possibly traumas in the past. So this idea of you need to have greater self-esteem because you need to see yourself as better than, etc. It's a flawed kind of statement. Instead, the antidote for being self-critical is self-compassion, self-compassion.
Speaker 1:So compassion, like I said before, can only come from viewing ourselves and others as just humans who are suffering or have suffered, or who are dealing with their own issues Through seeing others as a person or a human being. In that moment, we begin to connect to that person as a human being. We find empathy for that person. No longer do we see that person as superhuman. We connect to them on a person-to-person level. So what may be getting in the way of empathy for others may actually be a lack of self-compassion, a lack of seeing everyone, including yourself, as being human.
Speaker 1:So we need to stop to recognize our own suffering in order to connect to others and to you know, not keep running away due to shame, and to stop and to allow for the growth of ourselves as individuals. We need to stop to recognize our own suffering, which may have an impact on our lives. We might not realize that we are suffering. You know, the Western culture says you know, be perfect, be perfect, get over that, get over that, move forward, move forward, be perfect, be superhuman, get it all right, get it all right, etc. And we're constantly running in this race where we're not realizing that we are suffering and when we're not realizing that we are suffering, we don't realize that others may have suffered too. Western culture states that we should not complain and just carry on. Well, is that working? No, if you have a loud self-critical voice, that is not working.
Speaker 1:So pain comes from self-judgment, which comes from being critical towards ourselves we have when we are suffering. Sometimes we might make a mistake in the way that we have spoken to another individual and then we, based on this idea of having to be superhuman. We have anger directed towards ourself. How could I treat that person so badly? How could I talk to that person in such a horrible manner? But we don't see our own suffering behind the way we have spoken. We are not seeing the bigger picture. We are not stopping to recognize our own suffering and so we get horribly self-critical over it and then we run with shame. We don't correct the mistake because we are running from the shame. See, only when we recognize our suffering and are kind and compassionate towards our suffering, we will see the suffering behind our actions. We will work to correct our actions.
Speaker 1:Self-criticism, this idea of having to be superhuman, it stops ourselves from growing. It stops ourselves from growing. It stops ourselves from fixing errors and mistakes. We become so scared of deep self-judgment. We will continue to make the same mistakes if we don't stop and we don't recognize our own suffering To find compassion for ourselves and to leave room for improvement.
Speaker 1:We have to understand that we are just humans who may, due to suffering, may make mistakes at one time or another. Compassion for us leads to the avoidance of patterns of fear and negativity and isolation. Self-compassion allows us to be calm so we can find refuge from self-judgment. And we need to understand that self-judgment leads to this horrible self-critical voice I know I've dealt with it that horrible, loud, critical voice that says you need to be perfect, you need to be perfect, you need to be perfect, you need to be superhuman, you need to be superhuman. And that voice is incredibly troublesome because it leads us to run away in shame. Because it leads us to run away in shame rather than confront our errors, our mistakes that are being made due to our own suffering. And so we need to find self-compassion. We need to find self-compassion for ourselves and for others, and we can only do so when we see ourselves and others as being human.
Speaker 1:Sure, individuals may have caused suffering to you, you know, they may have acted in a way that was cruel towards you, but that does not mean you need to, you know, say that what they did was okay.
Speaker 1:No, what they did was okay. No, what they did was cruel. But the point of the matter is, if you cannot see them as human beings, you often see them as superhuman beings who you have a certain expectation, and it's important to have expectations. But when there's so much anger directed at that individual, then it's telling me that you're seeing that individual as a superhuman being, when there might be a time where forgiveness is necessary, and you can only forgive the individual if you're able to see them as a human having a human experience. So I hope you enjoyed this episode on self-compassion, something that I've struggled with with living in a western world, living in a western world that tells us to be perfect, to be perfect, to be superhuman, which is not the reality. We are human beings and when we are expected to be perfect, that cuts off our connection from other individuals because we are not seeing ourselves and others clearly.
