How to Embrace Your Anger for a Balanced Life

Can you imagine a world where embracing your anger could lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life? This episode uncovers how societal expectations often force women to suppress their fierceness and anger, leading to anxiety, depression, and self-criticism. We dive into the importance of balancing yin and yang qualities to cultivate a truly holistic sense of self. Discover how reframing anger as a source of energy and a catalyst for positive change can help set boundaries, defend oneself, and address injustices.

Reflecting on how societal norms have shaped our emotional expression, we explore the discomfort many of us feel towards showcasing certain emotions, especially anger. Unlock the hidden messages behind your anger to reveal your deepest values, boundaries, and concerns. By evaluating whether our anger is constructive or destructive, we discuss its profound impact on our well-being and relationships. Both men and women face societal pressures that suppress nurturing and gentle aspects of their personalities, and in this episode, we seek to foster emotional well-being and healthier relationships through balanced emotional expression. Tune in for an insightful dialogue on harnessing your emotions constructively to achieve a balanced, authentic self.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Finding Balance Within Society Expectations
• 10:52 Exploring Emotions and Anger Expression

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I'm going to talk about finding balance within. Finding balance within. So if you've been struggling as a woman, I'm here today to tell you that it's not due to any deficits that you have as an individual. You've been struggling to balance your duties because of the way that society is set up. The society is not set up to benefit the woman, and in having certain messages that are sent to women and young girls, and also young boys, society does a disservice, and so we're all walking around with this unbalanced energy. Yep, I said it, it's not just you. Society is set up so you cannot win.

Speaker 1: 1:01

Society has this ideal quality of self-sacrifice for women. Society expects women to meet the needs of men and the rest of society by having children, taking care of the needs of the man, raising children with little understanding or insight in what society needs to give to the woman and what partners need to give women. Society also feeds us these gender maps. Girls are taught by larger society that a good woman is sweet, nurturing, caring, and that boys are strong and active, and so our identity forms from these gendered ideals. Identity forms from these gendered ideals both for boys and for girls. Women and, in the process, men. Both can't win. When a man is dominant, he is seen as an assertive leader. When a woman is dominant, society sees her as being bossy and she ends up being disliked, insulted and a lot of people end up not liking her. So, although these qualities exist on the inside for all women this fierceness women often suppress this quality so that people won't dislike them and it works against them in the workplace. Men also suppress the qualities that are not allowed for them, such as being nurturing, sweet and caring, because society says that these qualities are only allowed for women, and women, in return, are taught by society that nice girls do not get angry. They are taught that nice girls are pleasant, helpful and cooperative. This cooperative side lends its way to the idea that women are communal by nature, that it is in their biology, that it is in their essence of being a woman. But this is not true, no-transcript.

Speaker 1: 3:02

But society says that woman can be sad but not angry. Sadness in woman is not frowned upon, which is funny, but anger is frowned upon. So when women show anger, people see the woman as being deviant, walking away from societal norms and values. This is a problem, because when women suppress their fear side, they do not draw boundaries, and boundaries are important in taking care of ourselves and being our optimal, optimal, healthy self. Without an ability to assert themselves, women become more anxious and depressed. When challenges do arise, women end up being less self-compassionate to themselves, but have a high level of compassion for others.

Speaker 1: 3:55

And so the question arises what happens when we turn off our fierceness from our core? When we turn off the fierceness that is within, from our core, we cannot be our full selves. We become unbalanced. We need both the fierce side and the gentle side to fully develop as human beings. We call this the balance of the yin and yang that is within us. We need both qualities to feel balanced within.

Speaker 1: 4:29

Yin encompasses sensitivity, acceptance and understanding. Yang includes bravery and aggression. When there is not a balance and we fall deeply into the yin quality that is, sensitivity, acceptance and understanding, and we cut ourselves from the yang, which is bravery and aggression, what occurs is we become powerless and dependent. In other cases, we may cut ourselves from the anger the anger we have a right to and so we start to turn that anger inwards towards ourselves. We start to turn that anger inwards towards ourselves, and so, when we turn that anger inwards towards ourselves, we start criticizing ourselves instead of more constructive manner of letting that anger out in a constructive manner. The self-criticism may then morph into anxiety disorders that include panic attacks, or eating disorders, which can include anorexia. When we fall in the depths of the yin quality that is, bravery and aggression and cut ourselves off from the yin quality, we fall into aggression, dominance and a cutoff from our emotional selves, from our emotional lives. So we need to ask ourselves is our yin and our yang balanced? Do you fall more into sensitivity, acceptance and understanding, with little room for bravery and aggression due to what society and those around you have expected from you, or due to your high corporate job, which places you into a high position of power? Do you fall into bravery and aggression field, with little room for sensitivity, acceptance and understanding? This balance of yin and yang is so important because there are gifts that lie in both the yin and yang.

Speaker 1: 6:28

With the anger we get energy. Just imagine a woman stepping into a kickboxing ring for the first time, punching that punching bag. In that moment she feels the anger for the first time, she lets out that anger that she has experienced through a lifetime and she is energized. Secondly, remember the anger you feel when there is an injustice, you feel a jolt of energy from your core and then you become focused on moving towards change for the future. So anger moves you. Anger moves you to create change. Anger also moves you in dangerous situations to defend and protect yourself. In whatever situation you may be in, anger overrides the fear response and propels you into action action of fighting back and defending yourself.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Anger also serves as a messenger. When you feel angry, ask yourself what is the message that the anger is sending you. What is the message the anger is sending about the other person? What is the message the anger is sending about the environment, society, etc. Is the anger telling you that you're being discriminated, that you're not being treated in a fair manner? Then allow the anger to move you towards action against this unfair treatment in a constructive manner rather than a destructive manner. And what's the difference? You may say.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Destructive anger leads to rejection and blame of others in a personal way, rather than seeing the societal structure that propels the behavior. We point fingers at the individual and paint the individual as a monster. This type of anger brings forth an energy which is hostile and aggressive. It does not care about what happens to individuals who are the target of the anger. It's not very intelligent. This type of anger is reactive, and so with this reactive anger, we make decisions that are not the very best. With this anger, all we see is red. So instead of seeing the whole picture, the whole situation, the whole structure of society that is leading to what is going on, we try to punish those who we feel may bring harm upon us. This type of anger activates the sympathetic nervous system and has the possibility of leading to hypertension, immune system dysfunction, blood pressure and heart disease, health issues.

Speaker 1: 9:06

Through constructive anger, in contrast, which is the opposite, an individual allows themselves to see the whole picture, the whole structure, the whole politics of the situation. They decide, through a process, to stand up for themselves and assert that they have rights. This is not done by aggression or hostility. It focuses on the need to protect oneself and others. The focus is on the harm rather than the person or the person's doing the harm. Instead of creating a bigger problem out of a problem, this anger is intelligent. Bigger problem out of a problem this anger is intelligent.

Speaker 1: 9:57

So I want you to reflect on the balance that you have within, whether these qualities are functioning in a balance or whether or not you're falling into a certain level of despair, anxiety or other health issues related to having an imbalance of this yin and yang. So here are some ways you can ask yourself these questions. You can ask yourself do you find yourself leaning towards sensitivity, acceptance and understanding, or are you more inclined towards bravery and aggression? Can you identify situations or contexts that push you in one direction or the other? What elements of yourself have you been suppressing suppressing?

Speaker 1: 10:52

Consider whether there are specific qualities, emotions or aspects of your personality that you have been suppressing due to societal expectations or personal experiences. Are there emotions or qualities that you feel uncomfortable expressing? When was the last time you experienced anger? Recall a recent situation that made you feel angry. It could be a minor annoyance or a significant issue. Try to describe the circumstances, your emotional response and how you handled it. What did it tell you? What did the response, the anger tell you?

Speaker 1: 11:24

Reflect on the message behind your anger. What is the source of your anger and what did it reveal about your own values, boundaries or concerns? Did it indicate that there might be an issue or an injustice that needs addressing? Was that anger destructive or constructive? Evaluate how you expressed your anger in that situation. Did you respond in a way that was destructive, leading to blame and hostility, or did you find a constructive way to channel your anger towards addressing the issue or protecting your rights?

Speaker 1: 11:58

Consider the impact of your anger on your own well-being and on your relationships. Self-reflection on these prompts can help you understand your own emotions, how you navigate societal expectations and whether there's room for improvement in balancing different aspects of your personality. Balancing yin and yang qualities can contribute to greater emotional well-being and healthier relationships with others. It's time that we let go of these societal expectations and we focus on creating balance within that allows us to be healthier individuals, as men and as women, because men also struggle. Men also struggle because they are taught by society to suppress the sweet, nurturing, caring and gentle aspects of themselves. So men are also struggling. Men are also suffering as women suffer, but it's time. It's time to find that balance within, and I hope you enjoyed this episode.