Why You Deserve to Dream Big: Invest in Yourself After Heartbreak

In this empowering episode, we explore the concept of "gambling on yourself" and how women often invest more in toxic relationships than in their own dreams and personal growth. This episode challenges listeners to shift their focus from trying to fix what's broken to nurturing their own potential. 

Instagram: @manpreetdhaliwal.88

Emails, questions:
Dhaliwalcounselling@gmail.com

Services: www.dhaliwalcounselling.com

Psychology Today Profile:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/manpreet-dhaliwal-surrey-bc/332001

Chapters

• 0:23 Challenging Toxic Relationships
• 1:47 Why Gamble on Yourself?
• 3:20 Dreaming Bigger Dreams
• 5:19 Finding What Energizes You
• 8:53 Permission to Dream Again

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

You know I'm going to challenge you a bit in this episode. I believe we can never be transformed in our lives if we aren't willing to challenge our thinking and even our behaviors. Who are not always the healthiest for us, toxic partners who may not serve us and toxic partners who may not be in alignment with our values that we hold dear. We, as women, tend to gamble on toxic partners over and over again, knowing the guy's no good for us, knowing the guy will put us in stress through heartbreak and will play with our mind through techniques like gaslighting. We put all of our energy in trying to be their social worker, their therapist, their counselor, but we are not their social worker or their counselor. Their social worker or their counselor. The factor means, if we think about it, we would never tolerate behavior like that from anyone else, but somehow we end up tolerating behavior like that from a guy. We gamble on them and continue gambling on the partner, on that toxic partner in the relationship, even though that toxic partner has disappointed us again and again. It's due to the manipulating behavior and the gaslighting of the toxic partner that toys with our mind and then, all of a sudden, we are all in trying to do anything to make the relationship stable. However, what if we put all the energy and effort into ourselves instead? My question to you is why don't you take a chance on gambling on yourself rather than gambling on your toxic partner? Why don't you take a chance on gambling on your wildest dreams instead, you place so much confidence in the guy. My question is why don't you place that belief in yourself? You probably know I was in a toxic relationship and it really impacted me. I had more belief in the guy than in my own self, than in my own dreams. When that relationship ended, I didn't look to another guy. I decided I was going to gamble on myself. I was going to put belief in myself. I was going to keep rolling that dice when it came to my own dreams and aspirations. I was going to dream the biggest dreams for myself.

Speaker 1: 2:57

In the middle of dreaming, and away from my ex, I started to see that I wasn't dreaming dangerously enough. I wasn't putting my full faith and confidence in my abilities Instead. Well, I was just leaving it to others to tell me that I could accomplish something great. I had to tell myself that I could accomplish something amazing. I started to put my full confidence in my abilities and my dreams. With this full confidence, I started to catch the negative thoughts that said I wasn't talented enough. That said I wasn't skilled enough, that said I wasn't smart enough. This would eventually allow me to show up at each and every day, so you might be going through the direction of your life that you want, but the question is do you really know your full capabilities and your skills? Are you dreaming big enough?

Speaker 1: 3:57

True, big dreams are not built in a day. They take time and consistency. However, it may feel pretty intoxicating to dare to dream big when all you've done is dream small. So go ahead, get drunk on your imagination. Dream the big dreams, after all, by spending so much time in a toxic relationship. You deserve to dream big. You deserve to try to give yourself all the good that life has to offer.

Speaker 1: 4:29

When you're in a toxic relationship, you're running around trying to make the relationship work or you're busy tending to your broken heart. You don't get to nurture and focus on your dreams, your skills and your higher self. This is because you're too busy trying to fix what is already broken. You're trying to pick up the shards of glass and you keep getting cut by the glass. What if, instead, you put your mind, confidence and belief in your dreams instead? Find out what energizes you. Find out what makes you happy. Find out what lights your soul. What is it that you give your full attention to when you are with whatever it is? For example, if you're painting, do you give your full attention to that? If you're writing, do you give your full attention to that and get lost in it? Or maybe even ask yourself what is it that you like to do before you started running in circles after a relationship that was toxic? You can even try new hobbies and learn new skills that you wanted to try.

Speaker 1: 5:42

The idea and the goal is to live your best life now on your own terms, to fully nurture yourself, to give yourself time to find what gives you energy and that's really important. To try to give yourself that time and space to find what gives you energy, to find what really lights you up, what gives you energy, to find what really lights you up, to treat yourself with gentleness, to give yourself that time and space to find what really works for you, what you really want in your life, because you know what you are made from the stars in the sky. You have value in the fact that you exist. To give yourself all that you can give is not being selfish. It's honoring the being that you are. After all, remember, you were made from the stars in the sky. I want you to leave this episode today with one action you can take to start gambling on yourself.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Whether it's saying no to a relationship that drains you, whether it's setting a goal you've been putting off, or if it's investing in your own growth, make today the day that you put yourself first and don't get down if one particular skill doesn't suit you or doesn't fit just right. There are so many different things you can take on, so many different dreams you can dream, so many different skills you can try to master. And, like I said, this is the time for you to be gentle with yourself, to give yourself the space to try different things, to try taking on different skills, to try different hobbies. The dream is the dream, but there are so many different roads to get there. So allow yourself to go down one road and if that road has a roadblock, go down one road, and if that road has a roadblock, you can try another road. So be easy on yourself. How can you allow yourself the time to find what energizes you. How can you start dreaming again? Give yourself kindness, gentleness, love through this time. Allow yourself to try out different hobbies, just as your parents might have had when you were young. Maybe even write journal and write about what personal goals you may have If you're not a writer.

Speaker 1: 8:19

Talk. Talk about the goals you may have with a friend or a trustworthy friend. Of course you don't want to talk to. You know a friend that's not supportive, or maybe even a counselor. But let's also be realistic.

Speaker 1: 8:37

Grief often follows where there is heartbreak. So you will grieve the toxic relationship, the heartbreak, the infidelity, the loss of the relationship. There's no doubt about that. And you may even have to challenge certain thoughts. You have certain cognitive distortions you have about what it means to be single. Now you may believe that you cannot be happy as a single woman, but you'll have to challenge that and sometimes a trusted professional can help you to do that. You might not even be ready to step away from the toxic ex, and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Everyone does things in their own time. But there will be those moments when you do feel energized energized for your own dreams, to live for your own dreams and the best you can do in this moment is to dream. So dream a new dream, my friend. Even if you're not ready to walk away, dream a new dream. Allow yourself to do that, because I know this is going to sound funny, but I'm going to refer to Cinderella. As Cinderella says, a dream is a wish your heart makes. So let your heart make a wish and go into the life you dreamed of. I hope this episode was helpful for you. If you like this podcast, please give a review. Thank you.